Teenage Driver in Da House

What no one prepares you for when your kid starts to drive...

Michael got his drivers license today. I am unwell.

I just deleted that last sentence because it sounded too dramatic, but then I wrote it right back because it is exactly what I feel. And probably dramatic, too. But let me tell you, parents who don’t have a kid with a legal drivers license yet…. You will feel unwell and dramatic, too.

These are the range of emotions I experienced today:

10:00am: Frustration at Michael because we were doing some last minute practice drives, and he was acting like he’d never been in a car before.

11:00am: Panicky that he wouldn’t pass his drivers test and then he would be completely bummed out and feel overwhelmed with disappointment which I would probably manage poorly by saying something dumb like, “You’re bummed about THIS?! You should see our car insurance bill now, then you’d really have something to be bummed about!”

12:00pm: Panicky but with some worry thrown in there because OMG, WHAT IF HE PASSES? We should have rules. What are the rules?! Can he drive with Gracie in the car?! What about Taylor (his girlfriend)?! Can he drive at night?! So, I started whisper yelling at Chris in the kitchen because “WE ARE TERRIBLE PARENTS! WHY HAVEN’T WE SET RULES, CHRIS! WHAT IF HE PASSES THIS TEST?! OH. MY. GOD.”

1:00pm: Giggly and excited as we practiced three-point turns again because he really is a good driver and he is super responsible and this is going to be crazy and so much fun to have another driver in the house! We’re out of bread right now… and I could send Bean to get more! How awesome is this about to be?!

2:00pm: RAGING FEAR. Chris took Michael to the DMV for his driving test at 2:00. I sat in the center of my bed, ramrod straight, and stared at my phone waiting for updates.

2:10pm: Nausea. Just a little bit. Probably nerves.

2:15pm: CRIPPLING FEAR. I start pacing around my bedroom. Michael was in a car at that very moment with a complete stranger, proving that he could be trusted to drive a motor vehicle. Are we insane?! As a collective society, how have we allowed sixteen year old boys to drive?! SOMEONE SHOULD CALL SOMEONE.

2:20pm: Complete nausea has now taken over my body because, holy sweet baby Jesus, he passed his test. Chris texted me. He did great. Passed with flying colors. He is now a licensed driver. Like, for real cars. On real roads. I feel like throwing up. But also super excited for him. And proud of him. But mostly, nauseous.

3:00pm: Maybe sad? Which is weird. And I’m not sure that’s what I’m feeling, but as I drive Gracie to a friend’s house and she casually says to me, “Can Michael pick me up?” my eyes start leaking water. Why? Not sure. Something about milestones and firsts and lasts. And probably hormones. But mostly the milestone thing.

4:00pm: Back to terrified because Micheal is pulling out of the driveway in his car without an adult in it. He’s on his way to his girlfriend’s house to show her and her family is squeaky new drivers license. It is literally a three minute drive. She lives in the next neighborhood over. I sit on the couch and watch the entire drive on Life360.

5:00pm: Exhausted because FEELINGS ARE HARD. So, I sat down to write this post because Therapist Mary said I should stop and acknowledge when I feel a lot of emotions at once. I should try to unravel them like a knot in a ball of yard. Or the knot in my stomach.

Congratulations to Michael.

Parenting is hard.

Goodnight.