The Gnat Battle
The gnats in my house may lead to my divorce.
We have gnats.
Not, like, one or two gnats. Not a “did something just fly by my face?” situation.
We have gnats.
They came in on a plant. A sweet, innocent, “this will bring life to my kitchen” plant. And now that plant has brought death. To my sanity, my peace, and honestly, the overall vibe of my home, which is the true crime here.
At any given moment, there are at least 7–12 gnats hovering in a loose formation like they’re planning something.
I have escalated appropriately.
I bought the Zevo traps.
I made DIY traps (water, vinegar, sugar, dish soap - basically a gnat cocktail bar).
I have cups of this concoction scattered around my house like I’m hosting a very specific, very weird dinner party.
There is currently one sitting in the center of my kitchen table. As a centerpiece. Martha Stewart would be devastated.
And here’s the thing: they’re working.
Every time I check, those traps are full of tiny floating bodies. It’s both satisfying and deeply disgusting. Like, I am winning… but at what cost?