We've Got a Stage 5 Clinger

When your teenagers won't let go of you...

Gracie is a clinger. A Stage 5 Clinger. A cling-on. That child’s love language is touch, and if I’m not physically close to her that translates into NO ONE LOVES HER.

She’s always been a momma’s girl. This picture was taken at her three-year-old birthday party. We rented one of those soft-play places for two hours and her friends had a complete blast while Gracie sat on my lap for almost the entire party.

Over the years, she has learned to be sufficiently embarrassed by her mother when she is out in public. I tried to hold her hand once when she was with a group of friends and the look she gave me could have melted the polar ice caps. But when no friends are around the clinging returns. And it drives me crazy.

Y’all. I am not a touchy person. I’m not a hugger. I keep my hands to myself, thankyouverymuch, and I’d appreciate it if you did the same.

BUT GRACIE.

Sometimes I think God gave me a clingy child to soften me up a little bit. Don’t get me wrong. 90% of the time, I love to cuddle Gracie. She’s snuggly and warm and always smells good. But Momma needs her space, child!

The other day I googled “clingy teen girls” just to see if this was a common thing or if we’d somehow broken Gracie along the way. Turns out, there’s an entire corner of the internets that is just mothers of 13-year-old, clingy girls! I scrolled through parenting forums and discussion boards and found so many women describing the same behavior as Gracie. But here’s the thing…

THERE WERE NO SOLUTIONS.

None. It was basically just a bunch of mom’s desperately scrolling the internet to find out why our daughters wouldn’t leave us alone. The closest I found to advice on how to handle clingy girls was written by a psychologist about toddlers. Her advice was that the little children are clingy because they need more self confidence and that daily affirmations should be recited with them to help build up their confidence.

Since it is the only article that offered any kind of advice on this issue, I decided to give it a go.

Whenever Gracie comes over to cuddle me while I’m doing something else, I now stiff arm her and loudly yell words of affirmation in a monotone voice.

“Mom!” she will cry as she comes running at my to tackle me in a cuddle (which suspiciously seems like suffocating me, but… semantics…) and then before she can pour herself all over me, I hold her away from my body by her shoulders and loudly yell in a slow, monotone voice, “YOU. ARE. A. STRONG. IN. DE. PEN. DANT. YOUNG. WO. MAN. I. BELIEVE. IN. YOU.”

I don’t know if it builds confidence, but it annoys her enough that she goes away.

Other affirmations I use include:

“I. BELIEVE. IN. YOUR. ABIL. I. TY. TO. BE. IN. DE. PEN. DANT.”

“I. LOVE. WATCH. ING. YOU. GROW.”

and my personal favorite:

“YOU. CAN. SELF. SOOTHE.”

I’ve even started using these on Cocoa, who also follows me around the house like my shadow. I’ll be cooking dinner and Cocoa will be underfoot the entire time until I finally look her in the eyeballs and loudly yell in a monotone voice, “YOU. ARE. CAPABLE. OF. BEING. ALONE.” So far, Cocoa has not changed her behavior, but I think that’s because she’s a dog.

Bottom line: If you are drowning in affection from your clingy 13-year-old daughter, might I suggest yelling affirmations in her face.

You’re welcome.